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:: page 16 :: How God revealed that Amy was the one From that point in late September, 2005, we would talk a couple of times a week. Then every other day. Then every day. Then hours a day. Meanwhile, I could feel the strong desire to enter into a relationship with her. But this time it was different. It wasn't just the desire for companionship. It wasn't just the thrill of laughing with a woman with whom I share a similar sense of humor. It was a whole lot deeper than that. You see, during the fall, I was studying through the book of Genesis in my Bible Study Fellowship Class or BSF. Based internationally in San Antonio, BSF has groups in 800 cities around the globe through which people study the Bible in depth. Each week they distribute a list of Bible passages to look up, followed by questions. Inevitably, one of the questions is application-oriented. For example: "In light of the fact that Noah was faithful to God to built the ark, in what area of your life do you need to be faithful to God?" Throughout the course of the fall, I found myself answering virtually every application question with this statement, "I feel as though God wants me to marry Amy." For the first time, I felt that if we entered in a relationship - this time for a lifetime in marriage - that it wouldn't be just about our desire to make one another happy. This time, I felt as though God had revealed His will to me that Amy Holzer would be my wife. Don't get me wrong. While we dated on-and-off for a year and a half, we sought the Lord in prayer and studied the Bible together. But, for me, there was never before that deep peace - the one that passes all understanding -- about the future of our relationship. But now, even though we weren't even dating again, I sensed a profound contentment as I contemplated the idea of proposing to Amy. This is what I had desired. This is what I had hoped for. The last thing I ever wanted was to watch a woman walk down the church aisle towards me in a beautiful white dress and know, deep down, that I didn't have the Lord's peace that I was doing the right thing. The more Amy and I talked, the more I became convinced that this was indeed the woman with whom I wanted to covenant before Almighty God. While Amy and I had flirted with the idea of seeing each other, we both knew that unless I was finally willing to say those magic words - "I'm ready to marry you, if you'll have me" -- that it wouldn't be emotionally healthy for either one of us.
Adam's gift-giving commences First, when I heard that she was upset over a personal conflict, I sent her a bunch of cookie mixes, chocolate chips and walnuts since she'll typically bake cookies when she's stressed out. Then, I sent her some of her favorite new wine - a Pinot from Central Market as well as some champagne for her Sunday afternoon mimosas. Later, around the beginning of December, she mentioned that she wished she had some Christmas opera music. And, to top it off, her CD player no longer worked. So, I sent her a couple of Christmas opera CDs featuring, among others, Luciano Pavarotti along with a small, portable CD player for her desk at work. Meanwhile, her colleagues at the J.W. Marriott in Houston were incredulous as she received one gift after another, followed by cards and flowers. "Amy, this guy is totally in love with you. He's on the verge of a proposal," they concluded. "I beg to differ," Amy insisted. "Adam's a gift giver. That's what makes him tick. Since he's not dating anyone exclusively right now, I happen to be the lucky recipient. But it doesn't really mean anything." How ironic. Initially, when I sent her gifts in late May of 2002, she freaked out, incorrectly concluding that I was on the verge of a proposal, when I was merely expressing my enthusiasm about the possibility of dating her exclusively. Now, in the late fall of 2005, when I send her gifts, she nonchalantly accepts them without the semblance of significance or meaning. "Let me explain Adam's mindset," Amy offered. "If a skywriting plane flew over his house and wrote 'Adam should marry Amy', he would think, 'Well, that's odd. There must be another Adam who lives in this neighborhood.' And then he'd head off to the dry cleaners without giving it a second thought." When Amy mentioned to me that her Marriott colleagues in Houston thought that I was ready to marry her, I asked, "What if they're right?" "What are you saying?" she asked incredulously. "I mean what if I am saying that I'd like to marry you by sending you these gifts?" "Adam McManus. You are not ready to marry me," she countered. "That's just ridiculous. If you want to marry me, than ask me for heaven's sake." Practically speaking, she was absolutely right of course. But, as they say, it's easier said than done. After all, 15 months had gone by. Perhaps her feelings toward me had changed - and not for the better. Well, our dynamic phone conversations proved otherwise.
Okay. So we were certainly good friends who were vulnerable with one another, who laughed a lot together and who encouraged each other in the Lord. But was there still that spark of attraction, of chemistry? Since I had broken her heart before, she was understandably guarded. Index :: Previous |
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